When we feel trapped in an unfulfilling life, a job we hate, a disruptive relationship, or unresolved emotional pain, it can be all too easy to want to escape our circumstances.
If you are in need of support, please reach out to the Suicide Crisis Helpline: 9-8-8
In addition to receiving professional support from a trained counsellor or therapist, there are things we can lean into to support ourselves when suicidal thoughts start to creep in.
These are lifestyle choices that promote overall wellness and can be beneficial in learning to better manage our mental health.
By removing ourselves from high risk environments and relationships, we begin to recognize just how much of our reality is actually within our control.
I understand this on a personal level because I’ve lived through it.
I spent 18 years of my life engaging in risky behaviour in an attempt to cut my life short. I didn’t value my life, and most days I was waiting for something so catastrophic to happen that I wouldn’t have to bear the pain of my existence any longer.
Deep down, I knew there was more to life than working an office job that robbed me of my soul, being in a relationship because my parents approved of it, and equating my worth to my annual salary.
I knew that none of these things truly made me happy and I felt trapped in a life that was intended for somebody else. I have met many people since then that struggle with these same feelings.
When we live our lives to appease others, we end up losing ourselves along the way. We don’t honour our true desires, we lack authenticity, and some of us might not even know who we truly are outside of the version of ourselves we chose to share with the world.
It isn’t sustainable. And if neglected, can cause grief and pain so overwhelming that we will do just about anything to free ourselves!
Recovery IS possible and you CAN create a life you love.
Lifestyle changes are available if you’re willing to move outside of your comfort zone.
So let’s talk about a major area of discomfort for people…
Career
We spend a lot of time working. And when you don’t enjoy what you do for work, it takes a toll on your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health.
This is why it is SO important that we find a job that supports us in achieving our professional goals.
What gets you excited?
What are you genuinely interested in?
What skills do you have to offer the world?
You’re never too old to go back to school or make a change in your career and decide that you want to do something entirely different.
If your work doesn’t light you up, it might be time to explore other avenues that are more in line with what you truly want for yourself.
Community
Who we surround ourselves with directly impacts the state of our mental health.
This includes spending time with others that don’t value their wellbeing and get caught up complaining without taking action, playing the victim, blaming others for their problems, gossiping, and causing chaos in their lives and those around them.
We’ve all been there. This is a natural part of growing and evolving as human beings.
But there comes a time when we have to get uncomfortably honest with ourselves and realize that who we choose to surround ourselves with is a choice.
If your friends, family, or colleagues are draining you of your energy and they aren’t supportive and adding value to your life, it’s time to take stock of your relationships.
This is even more important if you’re someone that struggles with addiction or suicidal ideation. Exposing yourself to others that are in active addiction or leaning on self-harm as a coping mechanism can be detrimental to your own healing and sobriety.
Sometimes the healthiest thing we can do for the people we love is lead by example and set healthy boundaries.
Sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves, is actively preserve our peace and learn when it’s time to walk away.
Health - Physical/Mental/Emotional/Spiritual
When our health is suffering, or we are experiencing any sort of pain or discomfort physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually, our mind follows suit.
Which can often cause fear and anxiety.
By taking time to get to the root of what’s causing our health complications, we can begin to unpack what’s coming up and proactively seek out solutions and resources.
This can look like learning to acknowledge and name our emotions, sit in the discomfort that arises, and work with a trained professional to learn nervous system regulation techniques in order to better support ourselves.
A body stuck in survival mode is not sustainable. And an emotionally dysregulated body can cause intense mood fluctuations that impact our suicidal ideation.
Recovery/Sobriety
1 in 4 suicide deaths in Canada involve alcohol. Alcohol is known to impair our decision making, causing a lack of inhibitions, and decrease our ability to self-regulate.
If you choose to consume alcohol, it’s important to check in with yourself beforehand.
Are you drinking to numb yourself?
Avoid your problems.
Or, drinking with the intention of becoming intoxicated?
If the answer is yes to any of the above, what is one thing you can do to show up for yourself and tend to your own needs in a safe and intentional way?
Below is a list of supportive coping tools that can be implemented whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed or avoidant:
Make a hot cup of tea
Go for a walk/get outside
Call a friend
Exercise/move your body
Connect to your breath
Read a book
Cook yourself a meal
Sit with/express your emotions
Make something with your hands (craft/baking/painting)
Write out your thoughts/feelings
Listen to music
Play with your pet
And most importantly, if you’re experiencing thoughts of self-harm or suicidal ideation, stay away from alcohol entirely as it has been known to amplify these thoughts and feelings.
Purpose
I was talking to a friend of mine recently and trying to get to the root of their purpose.
Investigating, asking intentional questions, and challenging them to think bigger!
And the reason for this is simple: when we feel like the work we are doing isn’t contributing to something meaningful, we will do anything in our power to try and escape it.
This might look like impulsively quitting our job (or fantasizing about it), waking up feeling apathetic towards our lives, emotional eating to ease our discomfort, or feeling completely disconnected from people and relationships in our lives.
It can also look a lot like intrusive/suicidal thoughts that go a little something like, “what’s even the point?”, “there is nothing here for me”, “nobody cares about me”, “I dread moving through another day and think it would be easier for everyone (myself included) if I wasn’t here”.
These thoughts and feelings can stem from living a life that’s out of alignment with what you truly desire. And our desires don’t have to be purely career focused. They can take many shapes and forms.
Maybe your purpose is to leave a lasting impact on the world and contribute to an area of interest in a profound way. Maybe it’s to discover something or invent something new that will change the lives of many. Or maybe, it’s to become the best damn version of yourself and live from a place of love during your time here on earth.
Whatever it is that’s calling you, I encourage you to lean in and become curious.
Dare to dream even BIGGER!
Remove self-limiting beliefs like, “I can’t”, “this idea is crazy”, and “it’s not achievable”.
Learning to trust in ourselves and our potential is life changing. And connecting to our deepest desires, naming them, and taking inspired action towards our goals builds resilience and grit.
It exposes us to endless opportunities and a life we could only ever dream of living!
Furthermore, connecting to our purpose gives us a reason to stay. To keep fighting, and keep showing up, no matter how painful and challenging life can be sometimes.
I believe our purpose is the very thing that can save our life.
Belief System
Gaining an in-depth understanding of our beliefs and values can be tremendously supportive when experiencing thoughts of self-harm and suicidal ideation. And here is why.
We move through life making decisions based on what we believe about ourselves.
If we believe we are not good enough, bad, too sensitive, or inadequate, we will subconsciously keep this narrative alive by seeking out situations and relationships that validate our beliefs.
Working with a trained professional such as a counsellor can help us identify helpful and unhelpful beliefs that we have about ourselves, others, and the world.
Unhelpful beliefs may arise when we are feeling hopeless/helpless and it can be supportive to investigate where these beliefs come from and whether or not they are actually true.
If you are someone that chooses to engage in a spiritual or religious practice, then you may understand the profound impact that can result from connecting with something greater than ourselves.
There is no one size fits all.
Your beliefs and values are your own, they get to look however you want them to.
If you’re not sure what your beliefs are, I’ve attached a worksheet below to help you identify your core beliefs.
Building a lifestyle that supports our overall well being takes time, resilience, and consistent action.
If you’re interested in implementing any of the changes I’ve noted above, I encourage you to focus on one at a time.
I know change can be very exciting and get us feeling all fired up! And it can also become overwhelming when we try to implement too many things at once.
In order to honour our nervous system and our needs, gradual changes allow our body and mind to adapt to new behavioural patterns and integrate them in a safe and regulated way.
You CAN create a life you love.
A life in alignment.
A life full of joy.
A life that is worth staying here for.
If you are experiencing thoughts of self-harm or suicidal ideation, please reach out to a professional for support or call the Suicide Crisis Helpline: 9-8-8
Alternatively, if you are not in immediate danger or at risk of harming yourself and require a same day counselling session, please email: keishavirago@gmail.com Subject line: ASAP Counselling Session - I will do my very best to schedule a session with you within 24 hours between the hours of 8am - 11pm MT.
Keisha Virago RPC-C
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