This week’s article is brought to you by today's unexpected, emotional meltdown.
You know that meltdown that hits you like a tidal wave without warning? The meltdown that causes you to bawl your eyes out until you’ve completely lost track of time.
Before you know it, you are plopped back into your body feeling insanely dehydrated with a massive headache.
Ya, that one.
I couldn’t exactly pin-point what emotion I was feeling, which resulted in impulsive word vomit over several issues all at once.
Shortly after pulling myself together, I realized I’d been subconsciously suppressing my emotions for far too long. And it was inevitable that they would erupt like a piping hot volcano!
At first I tried going for a walk and crushing some weights at the gym to clear my head.
But this just wasn’t enough.
I spotted a nearby park bench, sat down and lit up a cigarette. As if nicotine would rid me of my worries.
For years I’ve become so used to treating myself like shit when I’m upset. A professional at self sabotage if you will.
But how does engaging in unhealthy habits serve us?
How does it make any sense to hurt ourselves because someone else has hurt us?
In order to truly understand the intention behind our behaviours, we have to ask ourselves WHY.
What emotion are we feeling in the moment that are causing us to treat ourselves poorly?
In my experience, it’s usually one of three different feelings.
Unworthiness
Inadequacy
Uncomfortable
Below are a few examples of the different narratives we might tell ourselves during times of despair.
I Don’t Deserve Happiness (I am Unworthy of Love)
Sometimes we become comfortable living in chaos because it’s all we know.
Unresolved traumas can leave us feeling worthless and emotionally depleted.
If left unresolved, we may begin catastrophizing and learn to expect the worse case scenario. This is a cognitive distortion.
I’m sure you can only imagine how unhealthy and exhausting this behaviour is after a while. Not to mention how toxic and destructive it is for everyone involved.
The truth is, sometimes we allow what others have said about us or how they have treated us to dictate our worth. We convince ourselves that we are unworthy of love and happiness because we’ve hurt people or been betrayed by others in the past.
But this narrative does not serve us. It is time we acknowledge and validate our feelings in order to prevent self sabotaging behaviours.
I Will Never Be Good Enough (Feelings of Inadequacy)
Have you ever felt overly critical of yourself and your lack of accomplishments?
No matter how hard you try or how many times you show up, it still doesn’t seem to be enough. I feel you.
I’ve found myself stuck in a negative loop on several occasions repeating all sorts of self limiting beliefs.
“You lack the skills”
“You’re not good at that”
“Have you lost your mind? You’ll never be able to do that”
This just in, I’ve been bullying myself and standing in my own way for years! No one else. Just me.
Often times we convince ourselves that we don’t have what it takes before even trying to conquer an obstacle out of fear that we will ultimately fail.
But here’s the thing, when we refrain from trying we miss out on an opportunity to fail. And failure is all apart of the journey. It allows us to grow, expand and inevitably get better because we’re showing up and doing the work!
I don’t know about you, but I would rather fail at something repeatedly than fail by not showing up at all.
I Don’t Know what Emotion I’m Feeling (I am Uncomfortable)
How many of you have ever felt nervous or uneasy but weren’t exactly sure why?
Something just feels off. Your hands become clammy, your throat starts to swell up, and suddenly you’re hit with an overwhelming wave of uncertainty.
This level of discomfort can feel VERY intense and all consuming.
When our senses are heightened and the body has switched into fight or flight mode, all rational thinking goes out the window. Au revoir sanity!
This can be the result of a trigger.
Learning to acknowledge our triggers allows us to remain calm and react accordingly. By recognizing that we feel uncomfortable and why, we are better equipped to handle our emotions constructively.
So how do we begin to unpack what we are feeling in order to prevent ourselves from engaging in self sabotaging behaviours?
Ask Yourself Why
Have you ever stopped to ask yourself WHY?
Why don’t you deserve to be happy?
Why aren’t you worthy of being loved?
Why aren’t you enough?
You wouldn’t believe these things about someone you love and care about, so why are you the exception?
Deep down I believe that everyone deserves to feel cared for, worthy, happy, and loved. Ourselves included. Hell, especially ourselves!
Try setting aside some time to reflect on your WHY.
Pick at least one reason that you believe you are worthy of peace, love, joy, and abundance.
It can be something as simple as “I don’t give up on people I love” or “I am always honest”.
Your WHY is your driving force. Your WHY exists to remind you that you are worthy and you are enough exactly as you are.
Make “Me Time” A Priority
I know I’ve touched base on this in previous articles, but I can’t reiterate enough just how important it is to take time for YOU on a daily basis!
Invest in yourself, perfect your craft, pick up a new hobby, or set aside 20 minutes of uninterrupted time to let yourself wind down and relax.
By taking the necessary time to better understand our likes and dislikes, we begin to build an overall healthier relationship with ourselves.
I for one look forward to my alone time and revel in my solitude on a regular and much needed basis like the proud introvert that I am.
It’s OK to shut off in order to regain your strength and preserve your energy.
If you have a tendency to engage in unhealthy habits, try switching them out for a healthier alternative.
Rather than pouring yourself a cocktail, steep a hot cup of your favourite tea. Or throw on a meditation that allows you to connect with your breath rather than lighting up that cigarette.
Whatever the case may be, I encourage you to find an alternative that works for you.
Just Keep Going
So you’ve slipped up, relapsed, or taken a few steps back. This is OK. You are human.
When this happens, try to acknowledge whatever it is that doesn’t intuitively feel right and isn’t in alignment with your goals.
I struggle with this at times which is all the more reason to practice patience and trust in the divine, universal process.
Take a big breath in and let it go. Forgive yourself.
We have far better things to invest our energy in than beating ourselves up over a mistake.
And whatever you do, do not give up!
You are stronger than your traumas, your past, or any crutch you lean on to provide you with support and comfort during times of distress. One wrong judgement call or moment of weakness, one cigarette or glass of wine is never an excuse to give up and stop trying.
If you can hold on just a little while longer and practice the art of patience, you will allow yourself to reap the rewards of remaining persistent.
You just have to keep going!
Growth manifests in the realm of discomfort. This is one of life’s many blessings in disguise.
If you’re not uncomfortable, if you’re not afraid or uneasy, you’re unintentionally closing the door to endless opportunities and abundance.
I’ve been the poster girl of self limiting beliefs for over a decade. I am not proud of it, it doesn’t bring me joy or make me feel motivated and fulfilled.
I was stuck. Limited by the walls of my very own mind.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. Not at all.
Who was it that said “You are one decision away from a totally different life”. Mark Batterson, gotta love him.
This couldn’t be more accurate!
YOU decide whether or not your story shifts, whether or not it’s time to pivot.
We are all capable of changing the ending of our story. The secret is to keep going and find out for yourself.
Keisha V.
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