Has it really been 5 years already?
Sometimes I still can’t believe it.
If you were to tell me 5 years ago that this would be my life, I would have looked at you like you had 3 heads (and you probably did because I was intoxicated just about 24/7).
At that time, my relationship with alcohol had severely negatively impacted every aspect of my life. My relationships, finances, work, physical and mental health, and eventually my drivers license.
Being on this journey for as long as I have now, it still blows me away that each year provides even more blessings than the last. And 2024 has exceeded my expectations in so many beautiful ways!
So what has my 5th year of sobriety gifted me with exactly…
Blessings on Blessings on Blessings
If you can believe it, having alcohol in the house doesn’t phase me anymore.
I don’t think about it, it’s not on my radar, and it doesn’t tempt me in ways that it previously would if I were having a bad day.
This is WILD. And there was certainly a point in my journey where this wouldn’t be the case because unfortunately I was too vulnerable and susceptible to giving in to my demons.
I can even pop into a liquor store to pick something up for my partner or friends and it’s not triggering…I never thought I would get here.
Giving Back to the Community
I’ve personally never been one for AA meetings. I acknowledge that they work for some people and I’m not one of them.
That’s not to say that I haven’t explored a meeting as an option. I did attend one back in December of 2019 and quickly realized that if I spent any more of my time sitting around talking about drinking on a regular basis…I was going to end up hitting the bottle again.
This revelation meant becoming a sponsor was not in my future. And that was disappointing because I knew one day I wanted to be able to show up and give back to people in my community in a meaningful way.
I’m not surprised that I was able to find an alternative way of doing this, as my life path has been anything but conventional.
And becoming a professional counsellor has allowed me to do exactly that!
The most fulfilling part about launching my own private practice is the sheer amount of people I’ve been able to work with in the realm of addiction.
I feel honoured that I get to walk alongside others on their journey of sobriety and it brings my heart so much joy to see my clients thriving.
Is it all sunshine and rainbows? No. Addiction sometimes feels like you’re being swallowed by a black hole and will never get out. And that’s a part of the ride. I’m no stranger to sitting in the darkness until one can regain the strength to walk towards the light.
It’s this very process that brings tears to my eyes and warmth to my heart.
While addiction can sometimes be a very dark and ominous creature, it has the potential to build some of the strongest, most resilient individuals I have ever met.
Being able to witness this rebirth on a regular basis fills me up in ways I can’t even begin to describe!
What About Cravings?
Do I still get cravings 5 years in and romanticize pouring myself a drink? Sometimes yes.
Does it feel like I’m going backwards or should be worried for myself? Not at all.
As human beings living in an overstimulating world, where stress exists, and we have the capacity to feel over 100 unique emotions, it makes sense that when we are feeling overwhelmed we would consider leaning on a coping skill that’s provided relief at some point in time.
Just because you’ve been sober for X amount of years, doesn’t mean your mind and body forgets how you used to survive.
It’s ok to experience cravings. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you.
Cravings can exist during any of the 6 Stages of Change. It's how we respond to them that really makes a difference.
What I’ve gained from my sobriety exceeds any natural thoughts that I have about drinking. I can observe each thought as it comes and watch it leave without feeling restricted or triggered.
Increasing distress tolerance and emotional regulation make this possible. These are the same techniques I use in session with my clients navigating changes in their recovery journey.
And this is the power of doing the work!
I know who I am today wouldn’t be possible if I was still in the thick of my alcoholism.
I wouldn’t be the dog mom, partner, friend, or counsellor that I am if I still chose to numb my pain with a bottle of gin.
And that is all the reassurance I need to keep going.
If you’re struggling with addiction, and you’ve decided 2025 is the year you confront your substance use head on, I would love to connect.
Recovery is not an easy road and it’s certainly not for the faint of heart.
No matter what stage of change you’re in, I see you.
I’ve been there.
I understand it.
And I know what’s possible on the other side.
Keisha Virago RPC-C
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